So maybe I am more naive than I realize. I really thought three days off from work would be enough to help me write two 15 page papers. In reality, I thought I could get two solid drafts of papers.
Of course, now I am nearing 5 p.m. on day two and I only have six pages of one paper written and I have hit a road block. I must get this draft done today so I can talk with my professor about it on Wednesday. I wrote solidly for six pages and suddenly I am stumped. Don't know what to do with that.
On top of this road block, I still have some research to do for my other 15 page paper before I can even write a word. In that class I am struggling and may only get a B unless my final paper is awesome.
I think I am putting a little too much pressure on my writing. I need to get something on the page and revise. Revision is writing, or so I have been told.
OK, that is enough of a pause. Back to writing.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The waiting
To quote Tom Petty, "The waiting is the hardest part."
I am trying to write a response journal this week, the last one that I need to use an article to write about and I am waiting on the article. It says it has processed, but I can't find it. Frustrating.
In the meantime, I continue to fret about my long papers and the research I need to do. I almost wish I could create a version of myself that could work while sleeping. Maybe that will be a sci fi story at some point.
I am trying to write a response journal this week, the last one that I need to use an article to write about and I am waiting on the article. It says it has processed, but I can't find it. Frustrating.
In the meantime, I continue to fret about my long papers and the research I need to do. I almost wish I could create a version of myself that could work while sleeping. Maybe that will be a sci fi story at some point.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The marathon
The marathon is in town this weekend and that actually made me think about my grad school experience. From everything I have heard about grad school, it is more of a marathon than a sprint. In fact, one professor said to the class last semester that it isn't always the most talented that make it to get a doctorate, but the most determined.
I consider myself a pretty determined person. When I set my mind to something, I tend to get it done. Sometimes I have to remember that because the challenge of grad school so far is the exhausting process of continuing to write. In fact, I have to write so much that sometimes I forget that writing is fun. So here I am trying to remember that.
I spent today writing a short paper and a proposal for my theoretical research paper. I have another paper to do this week, but I am waiting on this delightful thing called IDS to send me the research that I need.
I also spent the day watching episodes of "Veronica Mars" for my research class paper. I actually get to write a paper about a TV show that I loved.
So now it is 9 p.m. and I am exhausted. Ready for another week of the grind of my day job and my schooling -- two full time jobs. Now is the time to remember that I am a determined person and I can do this.
I consider myself a pretty determined person. When I set my mind to something, I tend to get it done. Sometimes I have to remember that because the challenge of grad school so far is the exhausting process of continuing to write. In fact, I have to write so much that sometimes I forget that writing is fun. So here I am trying to remember that.
I spent today writing a short paper and a proposal for my theoretical research paper. I have another paper to do this week, but I am waiting on this delightful thing called IDS to send me the research that I need.
I also spent the day watching episodes of "Veronica Mars" for my research class paper. I actually get to write a paper about a TV show that I loved.
So now it is 9 p.m. and I am exhausted. Ready for another week of the grind of my day job and my schooling -- two full time jobs. Now is the time to remember that I am a determined person and I can do this.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The block
I have been feeling the sting of writer's block for the past couple of weeks. I want to call it that, but in reality, I think I am just tired. I have a lot going on and sometimes that can get to me. I am taking a long weekend to catch up on all my projects, both at home and for school.
My first plan was to work on Saturday and Sunday and get everything done. That hasn't gone over too well. I did no homework on Saturday and now it is Sunday and I have to get at least one of my four papers done today.
I am also working on coming up with an idea for my final project in my research class. I want to do a movie or television series: one, because it is nontraditional and two, because it fits more in line with my long-term goals. I am meeting with my adviser this week to talk about my graduate school plan. I have a feeling it is going to go OK, but some days two and a half years seems like a very long time.
But back to the block. I am in a period right now where I am really not in love with my writing. I am certainly not the first writer to have this experience. The only way through it is to keep writing, so I do. The problem is it takes me longer to get motivated to write and then I am rushing to get things written in really tiny windows of time, like an hour here or there. When I am not giving myself time to do the writing, of course I am going to dislike it.
Speaking of not liking my writing, this blog post has now become a convoluted mess, therefore I think it is time for me to sign off. After all, I still have a writing to do for my theory class and I don't want to mess it up.
My first plan was to work on Saturday and Sunday and get everything done. That hasn't gone over too well. I did no homework on Saturday and now it is Sunday and I have to get at least one of my four papers done today.
I am also working on coming up with an idea for my final project in my research class. I want to do a movie or television series: one, because it is nontraditional and two, because it fits more in line with my long-term goals. I am meeting with my adviser this week to talk about my graduate school plan. I have a feeling it is going to go OK, but some days two and a half years seems like a very long time.
But back to the block. I am in a period right now where I am really not in love with my writing. I am certainly not the first writer to have this experience. The only way through it is to keep writing, so I do. The problem is it takes me longer to get motivated to write and then I am rushing to get things written in really tiny windows of time, like an hour here or there. When I am not giving myself time to do the writing, of course I am going to dislike it.
Speaking of not liking my writing, this blog post has now become a convoluted mess, therefore I think it is time for me to sign off. After all, I still have a writing to do for my theory class and I don't want to mess it up.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Getting reading for teaching
So next week in my poetry class, I am leading class discussion for one day. My topic is D.H. Lawrence.
When I signed up for the poems I would teach, I chose Lawrence because he was one of the few poets I had heard of. Now, I foolishly realize that his poetry, like his books, are all about sex. I am guessing this is going to be a test of whether or not I can really be a teacher. I have to overcome my anxious thoughts and push through.
One thing that helps is my obsessive need to be over-prepared. I have been prepping for this since the day I signed up in the second week of class. I have browsed through three books and multiple articles. I am not sure I could be more prepared for this class. Now it all comes down to the doing.
When I signed up for the poems I would teach, I chose Lawrence because he was one of the few poets I had heard of. Now, I foolishly realize that his poetry, like his books, are all about sex. I am guessing this is going to be a test of whether or not I can really be a teacher. I have to overcome my anxious thoughts and push through.
One thing that helps is my obsessive need to be over-prepared. I have been prepping for this since the day I signed up in the second week of class. I have browsed through three books and multiple articles. I am not sure I could be more prepared for this class. Now it all comes down to the doing.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Reading more than just Shakespeare
Sometimes people tend to think that English majors just read poetry and Shakespeare all day. Truth is, there is some of that, but there is also a lot of theory that you have to read -- especially at the graduate level. The theory can be simple conceptual stuff, but it can also be incredibly dense.
In my undergrad work, I honestly didn't read a lot of theory and I started my second college experience at a disadvantage. I am learning new methods for comprehending this dense material every day. So far, I have taken the approach of reading it one paragraph at a time and assessing mentally whether I comprehended it. Before grad school, that worked pretty well. Now, I am reading even more dense material and I need to approach it in a new way. Dr. Young in our class on Monday had people share their methods, so I am trying to incorporate some of those into my readings.
One method that nearly all of the students use is writing down summaries of the material on the book itself. I love books, so the thought of damaging them really upsets me. I am trying to let go of my fears a bit, by using pencil. That way I am not being too permanent in my damage, but I am still working my way through the material. I also incorporated writing my summaries of each paragraph down. I have only read one of the two essays assigned for this week, but I did comprehend it really well. I tackled the short one first, so I will see how it goes with the 15 page article here in a little bit.
Now, that was about reading and not necessarily writing, but one other thing about English majors is that you almost always have to write something each week about what you read. So the method of writing down explanations of each paragraph should make my weekly writing that much easier to grasp.
If I would just stop writing here, I can get down to it.
In my undergrad work, I honestly didn't read a lot of theory and I started my second college experience at a disadvantage. I am learning new methods for comprehending this dense material every day. So far, I have taken the approach of reading it one paragraph at a time and assessing mentally whether I comprehended it. Before grad school, that worked pretty well. Now, I am reading even more dense material and I need to approach it in a new way. Dr. Young in our class on Monday had people share their methods, so I am trying to incorporate some of those into my readings.
One method that nearly all of the students use is writing down summaries of the material on the book itself. I love books, so the thought of damaging them really upsets me. I am trying to let go of my fears a bit, by using pencil. That way I am not being too permanent in my damage, but I am still working my way through the material. I also incorporated writing my summaries of each paragraph down. I have only read one of the two essays assigned for this week, but I did comprehend it really well. I tackled the short one first, so I will see how it goes with the 15 page article here in a little bit.
Now, that was about reading and not necessarily writing, but one other thing about English majors is that you almost always have to write something each week about what you read. So the method of writing down explanations of each paragraph should make my weekly writing that much easier to grasp.
If I would just stop writing here, I can get down to it.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Writing with a purpose
This weekend, I have to read 15 poems, and two theoretical essays about literacy theory. I also have to write two papers, plus a theoretical response to the essays that I read. In fact, all of the writings have to do with what I read. Despite the mounting workload, I am struggling. Sometimes it is just tough to write because you have a purpose.
Much like what I mentioned in my last blog entry, I have decided to write myself through it. I am trying a new tact in my poetry work. I am reading the poems and then immediately writing what I thought of that poem. It is mildly free flowing, but does still have a purpose. I thought I might share the poem, plus what I wrote about it. Be warned, it is a Thomas Hardy poem and it is war related, so it is depressing. Here is the poem:
The Pity of It
I walked in loamy Wessex lanes, afar
From rail-track and from highway, and I heard
In field and farmstead many an ancient word
Of local lineage like "Thu bist," "Er war,"
"Ich woll," "Er sholl," and by-talk similar,
Nigh as they speak who in this month's moon gird
At England's very loins, thereunto spurred
By gangs whose glory threats and slaughters are.
Then seemed a Heart crying: "Whosoever they be
At root and bottom of this, who flung this flame
Between kin folk kin tongued even as are we,
Sinister, ugly, lurid, be their fame;
May their familiars grow to shun their name,
And their brood perish everlastingly."
Here is what I wrote:
The first stanza feels as war is being discussed throughout the country, or at least throughout Wessex. At the end of this stanza, he uses German phrases “‘Thu Bist’, ‘Er war’,/‘Ich Woll’,”, ‘Er sholl’.” which, according to the footnote mean “‘You are’, ‘He was’, ‘I will’, ‘He shall’”. It seems like a simple explanation, but Hardy seems to use these German words to express the Germans involvement in the war. Interestingly, the footnote says that they “point to the English language’s Anglo-Saxo root. Dialects of English often preserve archaisms.” So, it is using the German language, but connecting it to the roots of the English language. It is almost as if Hardy is intentionally pointing out the connection between the two countries. Especially in the next lines “nigh as they speak who in this month’s moon gird/At England’s very loins, thereunto spurred/By gangs whose glory threats and slaughters are.” So, despite the connection, the words (in German) are striking at the very heart of England. The Germans are prepared to attack. From here the poem takes and interesting turn. While the first two stanzas seem to indicate a widespread knowledge of the conflict, the final two graphs seem to be promoting a more peaceful solution. It suggests that something came between the two countries which share a connection and those countries need to return to that connection. “Then seemed a Heart crying: ‘Whosoever they be/At root and bottom of this, who flung this flame/Between kin folk kin tongued even as we are.” Hardy is pointing out the connection between the two countries and their tongues (languages). In the last stanza suggests that those who start the conflict should die. “‘Sinister, ugly, lurid, be their fame: May their familiars grow to shun their name,/And their brood perish everlastingly.’”
It is quasi-free flowing, but I think something I will be able to work into my paper, which is really a response journal about the poems I read. The professor wants to make sure we are reading the poems, but I want to make sure that I am thinking about the poems. By the way, Thomas Hardy is old-school and I am not breaking any copyrights by posting it online. As my semester moves on to the later part of the 20th Century, I will not have the luxury.
Much like what I mentioned in my last blog entry, I have decided to write myself through it. I am trying a new tact in my poetry work. I am reading the poems and then immediately writing what I thought of that poem. It is mildly free flowing, but does still have a purpose. I thought I might share the poem, plus what I wrote about it. Be warned, it is a Thomas Hardy poem and it is war related, so it is depressing. Here is the poem:
The Pity of It
I walked in loamy Wessex lanes, afar
From rail-track and from highway, and I heard
In field and farmstead many an ancient word
Of local lineage like "Thu bist," "Er war,"
"Ich woll," "Er sholl," and by-talk similar,
Nigh as they speak who in this month's moon gird
At England's very loins, thereunto spurred
By gangs whose glory threats and slaughters are.
Then seemed a Heart crying: "Whosoever they be
At root and bottom of this, who flung this flame
Between kin folk kin tongued even as are we,
Sinister, ugly, lurid, be their fame;
May their familiars grow to shun their name,
And their brood perish everlastingly."
Here is what I wrote:
The first stanza feels as war is being discussed throughout the country, or at least throughout Wessex. At the end of this stanza, he uses German phrases “‘Thu Bist’, ‘Er war’,/‘Ich Woll’,”, ‘Er sholl’.” which, according to the footnote mean “‘You are’, ‘He was’, ‘I will’, ‘He shall’”. It seems like a simple explanation, but Hardy seems to use these German words to express the Germans involvement in the war. Interestingly, the footnote says that they “point to the English language’s Anglo-Saxo root. Dialects of English often preserve archaisms.” So, it is using the German language, but connecting it to the roots of the English language. It is almost as if Hardy is intentionally pointing out the connection between the two countries. Especially in the next lines “nigh as they speak who in this month’s moon gird/At England’s very loins, thereunto spurred/By gangs whose glory threats and slaughters are.” So, despite the connection, the words (in German) are striking at the very heart of England. The Germans are prepared to attack. From here the poem takes and interesting turn. While the first two stanzas seem to indicate a widespread knowledge of the conflict, the final two graphs seem to be promoting a more peaceful solution. It suggests that something came between the two countries which share a connection and those countries need to return to that connection. “Then seemed a Heart crying: ‘Whosoever they be/At root and bottom of this, who flung this flame/Between kin folk kin tongued even as we are.” Hardy is pointing out the connection between the two countries and their tongues (languages). In the last stanza suggests that those who start the conflict should die. “‘Sinister, ugly, lurid, be their fame: May their familiars grow to shun their name,/And their brood perish everlastingly.’”
It is quasi-free flowing, but I think something I will be able to work into my paper, which is really a response journal about the poems I read. The professor wants to make sure we are reading the poems, but I want to make sure that I am thinking about the poems. By the way, Thomas Hardy is old-school and I am not breaking any copyrights by posting it online. As my semester moves on to the later part of the 20th Century, I will not have the luxury.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sleepy writer
So, I am not having the best week in coping with my new lifestyle. My work has been uber-stressful from preparing for the Marshall-WVU (which I have to be at work for) and coping with the increased workload that comes from grad school. The funny thing is, that when I was an undergrad, I would readily write twice what the professor was seeking. Now that I am in grad school, that is what is required and I am struggling. Namely in my Modern British and Irish Poetry class.
I enjoy the professor. I enjoy the class discussions. I am just struggling with writing two pages (single-spaced) every week on the poems we read. I can't decide if it is because I am frustrated with trying to uncover every nuance in the language of poetry, or if it is just because it is a Monday, Wednesday and Friday class and I have to do some of the work during the week. Before, I would just load up my weekends with the readings and assignments for my papers.
One of my professors (actually the one who inspired me to get my doctorate) always suggests writing through the issue. Oddly enough, that is the same advice I would give a reporter who is struggling to come up with the perfect lede (that is spelled right and is the first paragraph of a news story for the non-news folks) for his/her story.
What I think I really came to today is that I need to open my mind some more, which is really what grad school is about. What I am realizing is that I am on the first leg of a long journey. That first leg is usually the toughest. To use a bad metaphor, I have been walking to class (six blocks) three times a week. It has been hot and I have been struggling. Today, it was breezy and in the mid-70s. That is still hot for walking, but I did it with ease. I am strengthening my body and my mind. I just need to remember to not be afraid of the journey.
Wow, that was a little too philosophical. Maybe I am ready for poetry.
I enjoy the professor. I enjoy the class discussions. I am just struggling with writing two pages (single-spaced) every week on the poems we read. I can't decide if it is because I am frustrated with trying to uncover every nuance in the language of poetry, or if it is just because it is a Monday, Wednesday and Friday class and I have to do some of the work during the week. Before, I would just load up my weekends with the readings and assignments for my papers.
One of my professors (actually the one who inspired me to get my doctorate) always suggests writing through the issue. Oddly enough, that is the same advice I would give a reporter who is struggling to come up with the perfect lede (that is spelled right and is the first paragraph of a news story for the non-news folks) for his/her story.
What I think I really came to today is that I need to open my mind some more, which is really what grad school is about. What I am realizing is that I am on the first leg of a long journey. That first leg is usually the toughest. To use a bad metaphor, I have been walking to class (six blocks) three times a week. It has been hot and I have been struggling. Today, it was breezy and in the mid-70s. That is still hot for walking, but I did it with ease. I am strengthening my body and my mind. I just need to remember to not be afraid of the journey.
Wow, that was a little too philosophical. Maybe I am ready for poetry.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Inspiration
When I woke up today, I never considered writing in this blog. In fact, my goal was housework and sitting on my behind watching episodes of "Dexter" I got from Netflix. Then, I got some inspiration. First, my sister complimented my writing, which was nice to hear (thanks Arica). Second, I got Chinese food for dinner and I got a great fortune -- "The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom." That was just the inspiration I needed to start writing.
When I was in college the first time around, I was a passionate advocate of sharing opinions to the point that I was likely to share opinions even when others didn't care what I had to say. I felt that was freedom of speech. Now, I look at things differently. I support the right of others to say what they want, even if I deeply disagree with what they say. I am just not as ready to share my opinion with every Tom, Dick or Harriet out there. I am more guarded with my opinions and more cautious about who I share those opinions with. Not only do I not share my opinions as often, but the opinions themselves seem to be more guarded. I tend to see both sides of the issue more often than I feel solely connected to one side of the issue. When I was younger, I was rabidly liberal, now I am more moderate.
Which brings me back to the fortune cookie -- "The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom." I think there is some real truth to this. I think everyone agreeing all of the time is the farthest thing from freedom. I am just not sure if the clash is necessary. We can disagree and be civil to one another. I think that is a message that others should pass on.
When I was in college the first time around, I was a passionate advocate of sharing opinions to the point that I was likely to share opinions even when others didn't care what I had to say. I felt that was freedom of speech. Now, I look at things differently. I support the right of others to say what they want, even if I deeply disagree with what they say. I am just not as ready to share my opinion with every Tom, Dick or Harriet out there. I am more guarded with my opinions and more cautious about who I share those opinions with. Not only do I not share my opinions as often, but the opinions themselves seem to be more guarded. I tend to see both sides of the issue more often than I feel solely connected to one side of the issue. When I was younger, I was rabidly liberal, now I am more moderate.
Which brings me back to the fortune cookie -- "The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom." I think there is some real truth to this. I think everyone agreeing all of the time is the farthest thing from freedom. I am just not sure if the clash is necessary. We can disagree and be civil to one another. I think that is a message that others should pass on.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Getting started
A little more than a year ago, I decided that I could no longer delay returning to school. I have spent years trying to decide what I wanted to study. I decided to accept my fate and go into teaching, which meant a lot of English classes on my way to the teaching college.
Like most things in my life, things didn't go as planned. I took three classes, which changed my course completely. I am now one of the many English majors in this world, who hopes one day to have a job teaching college. While that seems like a simple thing, the one thing I discovered, which I am continually struggling with, is writing.
I have been a journalist for 14 years, but I never really considered myself to be a writer until about 8 months ago. Crazy, right? So tonight, I decided that I need to really do something about this writing thing and I decided to start a blog.
I don't have plans to be political or offer insightful commentary. I just plan on exploring writing in as many forms as I can muster. I figure that no one will be reading this, but I can still feel like I am sharing my writing with the world. Wish me luck.
Like most things in my life, things didn't go as planned. I took three classes, which changed my course completely. I am now one of the many English majors in this world, who hopes one day to have a job teaching college. While that seems like a simple thing, the one thing I discovered, which I am continually struggling with, is writing.
I have been a journalist for 14 years, but I never really considered myself to be a writer until about 8 months ago. Crazy, right? So tonight, I decided that I need to really do something about this writing thing and I decided to start a blog.
I don't have plans to be political or offer insightful commentary. I just plan on exploring writing in as many forms as I can muster. I figure that no one will be reading this, but I can still feel like I am sharing my writing with the world. Wish me luck.
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